It's all about learning . . .

. . . and I learned, oh yes I learned. I learned that I am truly afraid of heights. I thought everyone was kind of afraid, and assumed I was just more so than others.

This is not the case.

I'll make this brief.


Here is me, on the practice night:





Now, I am only about 2 stories high. And it took me about 5 minutes of serious mental bullying to get mself over the edge to go down. Everyone else there just . . went .. . down. No one had issues with it. And at least twice, i was planning to not even practice. But i told myself 'do this one thing, just this little thing. you don't have to do anything else, not even the big building. just do this. " and I did. and for me, it was huge.


On the drive home, I went past the building we would rappel down on thursday. And the truth started to creep in. it was really fucking high up. and I felt like throwing up. I never pictured 13 stories. I pictured about 6.


so I went home and looked up easter seal drop zone on youtube.com. holy shit. I watched a guy up at the top in TO, and i had to leave the room, I thought I'd fall right through the floor. and Kit, who was watching it with me, said "That looks like fun". what?

So I did a wee experiment. I posted the youtube link on my local parenting forum, and said Watch this. And every single post back said "that looks like fun!". And the Truth became crystal clear.


Not everyone is afraid of heights. I don't know what they see when they look down.I only know what I see. I see the earth tilting and me falling into space. Rational right? NO. bUt it's what is. And my fear is the same. Irrational. And immobilizing. And to me, therefore, insurmountable.


I am afraid of heights.

I think it was fantastic that I rappelled down the 2 story rock cliff. It was a truly scary, and it was an opportunity I'm glad I took advantage of. I have no regrets.

Until I realised I didn't have to follow through with the thursday rappel, I couldn't sleep. I felt sick, angry, anxious, paranoid. Ivy couldn't sleep, presumably from all the stress hormones in my milk.

It was only when my fantastic, not-afraid-of-heights husband said he'd go in my place that I could calm down. And sleep.

And so he did. And he was awesome. I went up to the top with him, and couldn't even bring myself to go near the edge. I can accept my fear. And I feel great about it. I am no longer romanticising the idea of overcoming one's fears. It is not always healthy, or necessary. Running the 10K was a massive challlenge for me. So was being able to admit that I cannot bear being up high. I accept this. I hope you're proud of me.


And so here, in all his caped glory, is the marvelous Kit, bungee jumper and office-building rappeller. He had a blast, and I am in awe of his view that it was 'fun'. that's just nuts. :) Ain't love grand?



see how there's nothing on the horizon but sky? holy crap.




he is up very high.




a friend who worked on the 4th floor snapped this awesome pic.





Thank you all for your support. I'm sorry I couldn't follow through. Please know I tried my hardest. Kit appreciates the opportunity to fly, and the kids at Easter Seals thank you so very much!


C

okay, here are some pics . . .

There are too many to post since we got the new camera. So here's a taste of how we spent the summer:



We got our cycling caravan in gear . .



and rode to swimming lessons every week.




Leif passed into level 3 and hannah is now an Otter (I think?).WE'll get back to it next summer.

Then we headed off to Mom and Al's cabin in Qualicum Beach.




See me?? I'm SO happy! Here's why:



That's the view from the front porch of the cabin, where I lounge in the huge porch swing and swing Ivy to sleep. I can relax, knowing my other two children are being sufficiently entertained (and exhausted) by Al, who's always game to play.





Cabin-soccer is the game. Where Toby has his own pre-punctured ball to distract him. Hannah plays goal with big red gardening gloves on to help her block, and Leif and Al fight it out at centre field. Al really gets a run for his money because Leif's spent a chunk of the summer at soccer camp (see below).




Leif loved being in goal. And he loved being in the field. Basically, he loves soccer.

We spent hours of each day at a fantastic park in Parksville, where the kids ran and swung (swang?) and climbed, and Ivy lay about on the grass, cute as heck.






Oh and Hannah discovered 'concession fries'. The true taste of summer!




A good time was had by all.




Ivy spent a lot of time naked.




And hung out in bed with Kit





And of course, got her first lesson in the art of disguise.








nighty-night.



C

Yeehaw!!!!!!!!!!

Saddle up your horses, the boy can read!!!!!

Oh it is fantastic. Fabulous. Fun-erific. To watch him read is like nothing else, and like everything else. As they learn a new thing, you get to watch them figure it out. It is the greatest priviledge on earth. I cannot put enough exclaimation points in this paragraph to fully illustrate my huge happy feelings. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tonight at bedtime Leif read me an entire story, 10 pages of text, full of words like 'frightening' and 'listen'. He has accepted that our language is just wacky. That it does not always follow all the rules set out to teach you english. Why are there silent p's and t's? Why doesn't that say 'h-ay've' instead of 'have'? It should be a long A sound because of the E after the V. And we nod, yes it should. But doesn't. I remember very clearly as a young kid, driving around with my parents and reading the street signs 'Taylor Way' and 'Marine Drive'. And now in the van I hear leif every few seconds yelling from the back seat 'Linden!' and 'Fort! And his fabulous sister Hannah, looking at one of Ivy's toys the other day (upon which it says Manhatten Baby or something, the name of the brand) saying 'B . . . buh . .buh-aye-bee . .buu-aye-bee toys . . baby toys!' thinking she is reading what it's called. It all just bows me away, it is so bloody cool.

Today Ivy was sitting on the floor in the changeroom (we were shopping with Kit) and she was playing with my kes beside the mirror. And we looked at her, and she was slowly lifting her hand with the keys up and down up and down, and wathcing it moving in the mirror. She was fully engrossed in this, marvelling at that baby in here. So then she sang to it, in her lilting alto way that she does. It was great!


So everyone's well here, and growing and changing as expected. I've decided not to go back to La Luna. As Kit put it, 'if you had one night a week to do whatever you wanted, for yourself, is that what you'd choose to do with it?'. Um, no. So I've signed up for Bollywood dance classes. (Be proud of me Shannon, my Bollywood princess!). Kit is back to Ultimate twice a week, and between that and working on designs and estimates after-hours, he's kept very busy. We're both learning to find ways to balance being with 'the family' and then finding time for our own interests. So we're learning and changing too, with the kids.



I met up with a friend of mine from high school the other day. He's in Victoria with his wife, because she's in a play that'll be showing soon at our local theatre (The Belfry, a beautiful restored building). So her play is called Homechild and it's about the home children basically stolen or tricked into coming to Canada, to work as slaves on Canadian farms. When I learned this, I kinda hopped in my seat. I know all about homechildren, my ancestor and his siblings all came to Canada that way. My friends were surprised, they had yet to find anyone who'd ever heard about homechildren. They called it Canada's dirty little secret. I told them about the documentary about the Bernardo children, and they had already seen it. It was great to meet people who actually had heard about this. I'm the only one of my friends who knows about it either. Thank you Aunt Lou for keeping such good records of all of that stuff.



I am excitedly awaiting the birth of my neice or nephew. Ashley and Virginia's baby is due in about a month, and we're all wishing them well.

Hannah is FOUR!!!


FOUR!!!



FOUR!!!! Can U Believe it????? She is one sassy, spunky little chiquita. Her current passions are playing music on the electric piano. You can punch in keys and get it to play a whole range of songs, which Hannah calls 'funny tunes'. Every morning, she goes right to the piano and fires it up. Before breakfast. She'll march around the room to the beat and laugh at the intricate sounds.

When Leif gets up, he immediatly comes to the kitchen table and sits down to wait. He's waiting for whichever adult comes out of the bedroom first (which is usually me) to sit down and play whatever game we left off the night before. It's always either Scrabble or chess. It's fabulous, as both Kit and I enjoy playing both of these games, so we're happy to play over eggs or pancakes. I play Scrabble online as well and Leif likes to sit beside me and asks about the words I spell and tries to spell his own.


I tell ya, this parenting gig rocks.


C